I need to practice social distancing from the refrigerator.
This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought the cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog…we laughed a lot.
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
Why does “slow down” and “slowup” mean the same thing?
Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites?
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts…for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx
“Suppose you were an idiot. And supposed you were a member of Congress…but then I repeat myself.” – Mark Twain
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stopped moving, subsidize it.” – Ronald Reagan
“The dead continue to live with us in the moments when we are sad and terrified. They cheer for us. They coax us through.” – Anakana Schofield
“I like to have a martini/two at the very most/after three I’m under the table/after four I’m under the host.” – Dorothy Parker
“There is not a crime, there is not a dodge, there is not a trick, there is not swindle, there is not a vice which does not live by secrecy.” – Joseph Pulitzer
“There is no level of status, accomplishments or power that will protect you from the clutches of inequity.” – Megan Rapinoe
“Liberals need conservatives to hold them back and conservatives need liberals to pull them forward.” – Oscar Hammerstein
“Life is to be enjoyed, to laugh, to sing, to love…” – Alfred A. Montapert
[The answers to these riddles can be found here.]
1. A man calls his dog from the opposite side of the river. The dog crosses the river without getting wet, and without using a bridge or boat? How?
2. What breaks yet never falls, and what falls yet never breaks?
3. What goes through cities and fields, but never moves?
4. I am always hungry and will die if not fed, but whatever I touch will soon turn red. What am I?
5. The person who makes it has no need for it; the person who buys it has no use for it. The person who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What is it?
Answers can be found on page 15.