From an era before 4-letter words

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
-Mark Twain

“He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
-Oscar Wilde

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
-Moses Hadas

“I’m enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend if you have one.”
-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…if there is one.”
-Winston Churchill, in response